“I would never read a Christian dating book,” my roommate stated with the characteristic unapologetic honesty that I love so much.
“But why!? Why not?” I inquired. “There are so many protestant girls our age who grew up on this stuff! What is it about you–about Catholic girls–that makes us so freaked out by Christian dating books?”
She had happened upon me and a few girlfriends discussing the phenomenon of Protestant (not Catholic) dating books. In high school, during the prime of my Protestant days, I had flipped through almost all the popular Christian dating books of the day. That’s what all my Protestant friends did, and that’s what our youth group leaders talked about, so it seemed only natural that I’d give them a try. Although I frequently disagreed with the imperatives and ideas they espoused, I was left with a framework for thinking about romance as something that could be integrated with my spirituality. Religion–or dating–didn’t have to be an afterthought.
This influential encounter with a spirituality of dating was mostly absent from the lives of my Catholic girlfriends–many of whom confess that navigating the sexual and relational decisions of dating has often come at the cost of their confident religious faith lives. With little to affirm or guide the challenges they faced in integrating faith and dating, many were left uncertain about both their romantic lives and their religious lives.
But, still, nobody wants to read a Protestant dating book. Why?
I have come to think that it has a lot to do with the fact that my Catholic friends don’t find “preachy” texts compelling. They may be rational and rooted in a lot of great Christian thought, but at the end of the day, they don’t change minds amid the difficult complexities of romance. I think my Catholic friends want stories, intriguing and moving narratives reflective of their current ambiguous circumstances. They want some stable direction–yes–but not at the cost of reality.
PS–if you want a great CATHOLIC dating book–the only I have encountered–check out “Save the Date” by Donna Freitas and Jason King.
I’m loving the increased frequency of your blog postings. Keep up the thought-provoking work!
As far as the topic at hand goes, I’ve got two strikes against me in terms of making an intelligent comment because I am not Catholic and I’ve never read a Protestant dating book. But one reason I could never read a Protestant dating book is because I would never want anyone to see me reading a Protestant dating book (not even my roommates). I don’t know where such reading would take place for me. I wish I could put a more articulate spin on this, but all I can express here is an awful gut reaction that I’m sure is part of the reason you (and others) experience so many negative vibes around such reading material. You’re dead on with your analysis, though.
Like I said before, good job on thinking out loud (loud enough so that those of us on the other coast can here you) more often.